I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
