I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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