he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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