oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
