Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Is it because I queefed?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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