i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
