I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
