a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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