Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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