I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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