Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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