I just cut my nipple shaving
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
