just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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