I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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