I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
babies were throwing up all over the place
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
