I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
