If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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