This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
