Sponge bath it is.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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