Heybabeimwearingurpanties
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
