Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
