I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
