It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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