Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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