why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
