great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
His nipple licking is glorious
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