Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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