I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
