I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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