I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
