They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
