I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
