Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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