Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
