His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
