I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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