is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
