the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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