Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
