Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
