I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
