Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
