I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
