FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Welp...herpes.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
