Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
