I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
