You can't motorboat a personality
zippers are such a cool invention
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
