worst night to have a conscience
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I don't deserve a penis
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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