Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
