So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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